Trouble sleeping

The dark hours between bedtime and 6:30 am are about to get a little lest restful. The reason is because of my furry companion.

Ugh

The practice chanter hasn't gotten much use lately.  It's very hard to circular breath when you have a cold.

So true

Nuff said.

One of life's simple pleasures

I've written about the simple pleasures in life, the little things that you just really enjoy.  I left one off that list for purposes of decency, but I now feel that it's time to bring this one to the front, especially once I found this little essay on the subject.

The simple pleasure of which I speak is the joy of peeing outside.  Outdoor urination is one of those things that most men feel brings them to their animalistic roots, while most women find it disgusting.  There are of course exceptions, but it's one thing that almost any guy just really likes, as long as it's done with appropriate discreteness as described in the article above.  The great thing about peeing outside is that as long as no one catches you in the act, no one will ever know.  Within seconds all traces of your elimination is absorbed back into nature.  The one exception to this is in the winter (remember Frank Zappa's advice about yellow snow?), which has given me a few "Oh gross" moments on some recent hikes.  At least go a few steps off the trail, yeah?

If you thought your town had a funny name...

I stumbled across this article recently, and it made me chuckle.  Read the article before you continue.

Back?  Good.  I guess it's my immature mind which seems to be perpetually in the gutter, but I just think stuff like that is funny.  As the the article states, I'm sure most of the places mentioned had perfectly benign names at first, but over the years the changing language and idioms cause previously non-dirty things to be dirty (for example the transition experienced by the word "gay").

Some probably come from other languages where there is no dirty meaning at all, but when translated there is some hidden meaning.  Phuket, Thailand comes to mind, and it's pronounced Foo-ket for the record.  Perfectly normal in Thai, I imagine, but in the US, well, it will make anyone giggle.

Then again there are those towns in the US with names that aren't dirty but are a bit odd.  I grew up in Maryland, and I'm aware a town called Accident.  It's ironically  located near a ski area, and I once spent a thrilling afternoon in the hospital in Accident after breaking my arm at said ski area.

Every state has towns like that.  Some of my favorites from that list are Sandwich, NH; Competition, MO; Magnet, NE; Flushing, NY; North, SC; Canadian, TX; the list goes on and on.

Then there are those that just don't belong, like Beach, North Dakota.  If you don't find that amusing, go look at a map.  Aloha, Washington falls into that category, as does California, Maryland (or Pennsylvania).  Seems to me that Santa Claus, Indiana and North Pole, Alaska should be in the same state, or at least near each other.

You can also make jokes about names being appropriate: is Normal, IL really normal?  How aesthetically pleasing is Beauty, KY?  How idyllic is Ideal, GA?  How cheerful is What Cheer, IA?  How welcoming is Friendly, WV?  I don't know anything about these towns except that they appear on this list, but having grown up nearby I can attest that Boring, MD is appropriately named.

I could go on for a while, but I notice that Hell has frozen over, so I'll stop now.  Hey, it gets cold in central Michigan!

Adding a new state!

With my trip to Kansas City this weekend for Winter Storm , I'll be adding another state on my quest to play in each of the 50 states.  I will attempt to have my first playing in Missouri recorded and will share that if it happens.

The keydetpiper twitters

So I'm messing around with Twitter, which is essentially Facebook limited to status updates.  I've only messed around with it briefly, so the jury is still out.

If you're a Twitterer, you can follow me at http://twitter.com/keydetpiper.  If not, maybe you should be.  I'll be sending some Twitter updates from Winter Storm, so stay tuned.

Happy New Year!

A few hours early.  May your 2009 be filled with happiness, peace, friendship, resolutions not broken, and a president who is not a moron.

Ever notice that.... #2

Some people who drive vans, big pickup trucks, and big SUV's (all of which get really bad gas mileage to start with) drive them in such a manner as to increase fuel consumption even more?  Driving fast, accelerating fast, weaving in and out of traffic, that kind of stuff.

Yeah, I'm talk to you, idiot in the forest green Suburban somewhere near Waterbury, CT.

Ever notice that.... #1

brushing your teeth right before bed makes the morning breath worse?

The simple pleasures of life

There's no doubt the holiday season in recent years has become more and more materialistic.  As was proved to The Grinch, "maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store.  Maybe Christmas means a little bit more."  Even if you don't follow a religion, the holiday season is a time to be with friends and loved ones, to reflect on the year past, and to share warm wishes and festive thoughts with people in general.  I've found that the best moments don't come while unwrapping boxes, but from the little things that don't have to be bought.  Here's a partial list of some of my favorites.

• New socks, especially nice thick wool ones.  This is the ultimate and the first thing that comes to mind.
  
• A quiet moment with someone special
• Getting together with old friends
• Doggy or kitty lovins
• Puppy skunk breath and needle teeth
• A child's laugh
• The first glass of egg nog of the holiday season 
• Watching someone open a present from you

I found it!

I was poking around my classroom today, trying to find a gizmo for the whatchamacallit, and I got to thinking about some of the really absurd things we Americans (and others maybe?) say when we're looking for things.  Some are blatantly obvious, some are hyperbolic statements, some are just asinine, but none lends any value to the search. 

• "Where could it be now?"  And just who are you expecting to answer?
  
• "I just saw it."  Well, no, probably not.  If this were true, you would have found it.
  
• "I can't find it anywhere!"  This is just an unfinished sentence.  It should be "I can't find it anywhere I have looked."
  
• "I've looked everywhere."  Obviously not.  If you had, you would have found it. 
  
• "It must be somewhere."  Um, yeah.  It can't be nowhere, now can it? 
  
• "I've looked high and low."  Any chance it could be somewhere in the middle?
• "It was in the last place I looked."  Well duh!  This is true by definition, unless you keep looking after you find it.
  

These come from a human's requirement to babble incessantly and not look like a moron.  Especially if there are multiple people looking, saying things like this make the initial searcher seem like less of an imbecile.

People are funny.

Good old Maine

Winter is officially here.  Well not officially because it's not yet December 21, but for all intents and purposes it is.  At 3:15 this afternoon it's 16 degrees F (-9 C).  Good and cold, that's the way Maine is.  Looks to be a good winter if it's this cold and not even Christmas yet.

The Secret Life of Teachers

It's a parody, but it's not far from the truth.  We watched this in the teacher's lounge, of course; where else?

Those crazy Canadians

After the Baltimore Colts became the Indianapolis Colts but before the Cleveland Browns became the Baltimore Ravens, Baltimore had a brief stint as the host city of a team in the Canadian Football League.  They were to be called, of course, the Baltimore Colts, but the NFL prevented that because there was already a team called the Colts.  Nevermind the fact that the two teams played a completely different sport in completely different leagues; the NFL didn't see that.  The first season they played in Baltimore they were known as the CFLs, the second season they were the Baltimore Stallions, won the league championship (the Grey Cup), and the third season they moved to Montreal and became the Alouettes.  But I digress.  The point of this paragraph of Baltimore history is to emphasize that I know a little about Canadian football.  It's similar enough that you can watch a game and have a good idea of what's happening, but different enough that the details can be really confusing (can anyone explain the rouge to me?).

So anyway, another big difference (apparently) is the player celebration after scoring.  I stumbled across this one today, and it is without a doubt the most bizzare football scoring celebration I have ever seen.  Your thoughts?



Those crazy Canadians!

Schadenfreude

Happiness at the misfortune of others is the English translation of the title.  Ever watch someone hurting themselves or doing something stupid that just makes you laugh hysterically?  You feel bad doing it, but you can't help it because it's just so darn funny.

This is video that inspired this post.  I watched it about 7 or 8 times I think, and it only gets funnier.



This reminded me of another video that earned the same reaction from me.  I feel like a bad person for laughing, but I just can't help it.

GPS is a cool gadget

Greetings from N 44 01.246 W 70 58.441!  That's where the Garmin eTrex Legend HCx tells me I am right now, +/- 25 feet.  Somehow it can still pick up a signal indoors.  I've been using this gadget a lot lately for geocaching, which for those of you who don't know is a terrible under use of resources: using a multi-billion dollar government satellite network to find tupperware containers hidden in the woods. 

Ain't technology grand?

More funny things

You know I like funny things... here's another one.  I can't believe I didn't think to put this in the last post about clean funny humor!





And the inflationary language is a classic as well!

Some funny (looking) guys

I like to laugh.  Pretty much anyone who has met me know that I like to laugh, and I like to make other people laugh.  When I was younger telling dirty jokes was one of my favorite things to do, and though I enjoy tossing around a slightly off-color quip now and then I like to think my comedic taste has become somewhat more sophisticated. 

There are some people who are really funny.  Stand-up comedians like Robin Williams, Richard Pryor, and Eddie Murphy are really funny, and some of what makes them funny are their liberal use of colorful language.  Search YouTube for any of those guys, just be warned that the videos are very NSFW.  Behind the swear words are, however, really funny things.  It's true the swears are gratuitous, but they add shock value, and even if you remove them what's left is still pretty funny.  A current comedian who tries for the same effect is Rodney Carrington, but I really don't think he's funny.  Remove the bad language and what's left barely qualifies as communication.

It's possible to be a stand-up comedian and still present a family-friendly act.  Like him or hate him, Jeff Foxworthy doesn't really swear in his acts and what he has to say is pretty funny, even if it is somewhat generic comedian subject matter (sex, rednecks, wife, redneck wife, kids). 

In my opinion the really funny people, the comedic genii if you will, are the people who can talk about perfectly normal and ordinary things and make you really laugh.  I heard this little gem on the radio today, and I think it's brilliant.



Yes, that's good old Andy Griffith there, before he was Sheriff Andy Taylor.  Nothing in there is inappropriate or even a little controversial; there's no reason I wouldn't listen to that with a six year-old, and it's hilarious.

In my opinion the best example is what follows, and I think it's one of the funniest things ever been recorded.  Again it's completely clean, kid-friendly, and nothing short of brilliant.  I challenge you to find something funnier that you'd watch with your grandparents.  Ladies and gentlemen, Abbott and Costello!

Security Recap

A few days ago I wrote about taking bagpipes through airport security, and as promised I'm reporting in with the results from this weekend.  The first time I went through security was at the Portland International Jetport (PWM) in Portland, Maine, and the screener called her supervisor over for a bag check.  The supervisor looked at the screen for a minute and said "Bagpipes?"  Turns out he was a firefighter for 30 years and has heard his fair share of pipes.

The return trip through BWI was far less eventful.  I don't think there were any confused looks, but I was preoccupied with the change in my pocket that set off the metal detector so I didn't really get a chance to look at faces.  By the way, I've gone through security before with change in my pocket and it didn't do anything.  Guess it just wasn't my day.