Bad logic, bad science, bad movie

I caught the tail end of Mission: Impossible 2 on TV this evening. It's a movie I had watched a number times a few years back, but until tonight I haven't seen it in a while. I'd forgotten why: the title says it all. Despite the fact that it has Anthony Hopkins (one of the greatest actors of the last 100 years), Tom Cruise (who does demonstrate some acting talent from time to time, even if he is crazy a Scientologist), and the bad guy is played by a little-known actor with a fantastic Scottish accent, this movie is one of the worst action movies I've seen recently.

I don't mean to pick on director John Woo, but I think it's his fault. MI2 has, without fail, every stereotype you can think of from every bad action movie. After watching just the last 20 minutes or so, I've compiled a list of rules for life in the world of action movies. If you've ever had a desire to make an action movie but never knew how, this is your guide.

1. The Good Guy (GG) is really good.
2. GG will surround himself with a small team of specialists in fields such as technology, computer hacking, explosives, operating various vehicles, or knowing someone on the inside. If one of these specialists is not an attractive female, there will be one somewhere as a main character, and she will undoubtedly end up as the Love Interest (LI) of GG.
   
3. The Bad Guy (BG) is really bad.
4. BG always has a second-in-command who is even badder than BG. He's completley soulless, has no conscious, and probably beats puppies when he's not on camera. This Uber Bad Guy (UBG) is responsible for making things happen in BG's organization: when BG gives an order, UBG sees that it is relayed to the Minions and carried out.
5. The BG's Minions are completely faceless, human only in body shape and movement, and dressed completely in black. This is so you don't feel bad when GG (or GG's allies) eliminate them in swift fashion.
6. Minions do not receive training in handling weapons, hand to hand combat, or anything a good Minion should know. They are trained only to look menacing while standing guard with an assault rifle, look menacing while running with an assault rifle, and fall to the ground in creative positions.
7. Minions' only strength is in their numbers. There are always at least two of three of them around every corner, and sometimes they are even found in groups of hundreds. When he runs around a corner, GG may be shocked to find a dozen or more Minions waiting for him, perhaps instilling an initial reaction of fear, but this fades quickly when GG remembers that Minions are unable to actually cause him harm (see #8) and are extremely easy to kill.
   
8. GG has skin that is completely impervious to the bullets of the minions, just in case a stray Minion bullet would even come near him. His clothes, hats, pockets, bags, and equipment may be pierced by bullets, but never his skin. If a Minion bullet does actually reach GG's skin, GG is able to absorb dozens of Minion bullets without being removed from battle.
   
9. As the polar opposite to GG, Minions attract all bullets fired in their general direction. A single bullet wound is always fatal for a minion.
   
10. Any harm to GG (or main GG allies) can only be caused by BG or UBG, but even if they land a blow that would kill a Minion, the damage to GG will be minor injuries at best.
    
11. LI will always be threatened by BG (or UBG), which brings the already-suspect plot of the movie to a crashing halt while GG comes to the rescue.
12. At some point in the movie, GG and allies will be forced to enter a safeguarded building to retrieve some item essential to the plot. This item could be a keepsake, an antidote, a document, information on a secure computer, or a hostage (like LI). The breaking and entering mission could also be to capture a hostage.
13. BG and Minions are required to attach a device to their vehicles that allows any collision to trigger a fuel tank explosion. Gunshots are also likely to cause the fuel tank to explode.
14. Minions firing weapons from the window of a vehicle will never do anything more than break a window in GG's car.
    
15. GG is a crack shot while leaning out the window of a car and is always able to hit tires, fuel tanks, and any Minions who may be shooting out the window of their own cars. GG also has the uncanny ability to fire a single bullet through the windshield of an approaching car to disable the Minion behind the wheel.
    
16. GG and allies only drive vehicles that can take extreme amounts of damage without functioning.
    
17. At least one vehicle besides a car or motorcycle will be operated by either GG or a member of his team. Common choices include helicopters, tanks, speedboats, or tractor trailers.
    
18. Sometime shortly before the climax, there is a faceoff between GG and UBG. GG always wins, and though he sometimes sustains what may seem like serious injuries, he is able to shake them off and engage in a battle with BG at full strength.
    
19. The climax of the movie always takes place between GG and BG. There is always some incident (like a car or motorcycle accident) that causes both to be disarmed, so the climax is a true test of manhood.
    
20. In said climax BG will be disabled and left for dead, then revive and take one last shot at GG, just as GG and LI are about to embrace. This last shot often involves a firearm that was previously lost and left near BG, and has three possible outcomes: a) it's a complete miss, b) it hits GG in a non-vital location (like the shoulder), or c) it hits LI, possibly inflicting a fatal wound. Whether what happens is a, b, or c, one of two things will happen: a) BG will finally die from his wounds immediately after squeezing off the shot, or b) GG performs an acrobatic maneuver and fires a shot that is fatal to BG.